collecting light & wrangling fog

I’m sitting in a bright, airy room, where a cool breeze wends its way up from the ocean and blows the curtains to and fro. I’m not near enough to smell the waves, the endless varieties of suntan lotion, or the evening bonfires, but the room is close enough that the wind can carry their promises and to cool me down on this warm 4th of July. About three and a half miles away is that vast ocean, and soon the sun will set behind it. So soon that it’s filling every corner with liquidy golden light, the kind that on more than one evening has made me run after it, chasing it with cameras and with my whole heart, for that one shot. The one.

house, costa mesa

A lot of people have a lot of ideas about Southern California. A lot of preconceived notions. Especially when it comes to Orange County. Some consider it paradise, others think it’s nothing short of hell. Having spent a fair amount of time here – more than four years at one point, and now back for who knows how long – I feel I’ve gotten to know parts of it fairly well. At times, I’ve loathed it (and for good reason). At others, I’ve come to like it quite a bit. If not quite love it, then at least to accept and like it for what it is and what it offers. A sort of warts-and-all appreciation, if you will.

welder

Southern California – at least the parts I know – is not always what a lot of you think it is. Some parts of it most certainly are. But a lot of it is also vastly different. Beyond the pockets of extreme wealth, beyond the perception that everyone here is white and conservative and sort of an asshole, beyond the notion that it’s a sprawling megaplex of interlocked suburbs, beyond and behind and between and inside the strip malls, there are worlds many of you have no idea exist. Food that can compete with – and occasionally kick the ass of – the best I’ve had in some of the coolest, most cosmopolitan cities in the world.

christmas lights, july

I’m still trying to find “home,” and this place may never feel like it to me. Even so, Orange County and I have put up with each other and have come to find at least a little grudging respect. I have no idea how long I’ll be here, but before I go I’d like to show you what I know of this place. What it means to me, and what you can find here. It’s not just The OC. It’s also Orange County. And then there’s the rest of Southern California too.

I’ll start with what I see when I take walks around my neighborhood. This is your first view of Costa Mesa. There have been and will be others, but here are some shots from my city, on some quiet recent evenings.

Tonight, of course, is the 4th of July. In Costa Mesa, fireworks are legal, and since it’s only one of two cities in the county where that’s the case, this won’t be a quiet evening. So if you’ll excuse me, I’ll wish you a very happy Independence Day. Because in the tradition of this great holiday, I have to go blow some shit up.

Happy 4th, everyone.

mosaic27d86684b790427f0f12f882e6126ae7b13097d7

1. driveway, costa mesa, 2. overpass, costa mesa, 3. palm, strip mall, sunset, 4. chopper, 5. Untitled, 6. Untitled

the rock at morro bay

There is an ocean called the Pacific. It’s a very, very big ocean. So big you don’t often think about how big it is, how very wide, or how very deep. So big that you don’t realize it goes all the way around to the other side of the world. That somewhere there is another side of it, and that on that other side of it, the same sun you see set behind your ocean is very busy rising above it.

On the other side of the great big giant Pacific Ocean are a lot of countries. In them live quite a lot of people. But of all those countries and of all those people, it so happened that two of them looked at that sun, the one that was doing its daily business rising and setting, in much the same way. They kept chasing after it, trying to capture it and collect it.

boat, morro bay

It was through this odd little endeavor that these two people – a lady named Ashley and a lady named Leah – bumped into each other one day. They waved a friendly hello and kept on their respective ways, collecting and chasing and wrangling. Then another day, another sun, another wave hello.

And that’s how a friendship began.

Some months later, the lady named Ashley found herself on a plane crossing that very big ocean. She learned just how big that ocean is and just how long it takes to cross it and just how tired you can become sitting and doing nothing for that many hours. Her friend Leah picked her up on the other side of the ocean, the side where the sun sets.

ash and her pentax

They went on some mad adventures. Driving up the coast in a dash. Nearly plummeting off cliffs and bridges marked very poorly by the California Transit Authority. Eating chilaquiles and sushi. Finding strawberries and chocolate. Remembering what it was like to be 5 years old in an underwater kingdom. Laughing and crying and crying from laughing.

home, dear

And always, always collecting light.

light, collected

Thank you, Ashley, for being the best kind of friend the lady on this side of the Pacific ever imagined having. xoxox

In honor of my birthday – today – I had a blog post all planned out in my head. I was going to scan photos I’d found while looking through photobooks with Ashley on her first day in town, and write about discovering something that must have been there all along.

And then I forgot the photos when we left Orange County.

Ah well. Typical Leah. Some things never change, no matter how much older I get. I’ll scan them in one day, and I’ll write about all that some time. But in a way I’m glad I forgot, because it gives me the opportunity to write about something else that means even more to me.

lunch, caffe trieste

As a little girl, long before I ever imagined picking up a camera, I used to look through a book. The book had a profound impact on me in so many ways. It was called The Family of Man and was the book version of the exhibition curated by Edward Steichen. The exhibition was first shown in 1955, which gives you an idea of the age of the photos; most of them were taken at least two decades before I was born. Yet there they were, these people, these men and women and children, from around the world, scattered across the pages, loving and fighting and eating and sleeping and working and living and being. They became a part of me, not just as images, but as the exhibition intended them to be: as a world of different people who are all at heart part of one family.

wilbur and betty

If you follow me on flickr, and most of you who read this blog do, you know I take great inspiration from the people in my life. Whether or not they are actually in my life, they are to me a part of it, inspiring and teaching and pushing me on. More often than not I still feel like the little girl reading The Family of Man: agog at the world and all it has to offer, amazed at the possibilities and astonished that such things are possible, impatient to learn everything there is. I wonder if I’ll ever outgrow the feeling of wonder at the world, of being wide-open to experience, of being ridiculous and silly and terrified and unafraid, of reaching out to those people in that family of man.

Sometimes the inspiration is too much. When you look out at that many people, it’s not simply that all the eyes are staring back. Gazing into all those eyes means that many windows into that many souls.

Or, as the case may be, reflecting as windows often do back onto ourselves.

I have done a lot of reflecting on the self this past year. In this next year, I am sure that will continue, but I am ready as well to reflect out: I want to contribute to the family. With my work. Maybe make a multitude.

And make images that hopefully help someone stop and feel the way I did, all those years ago. To see the people I see and to want to be a part of this great family of ours.

The next Family of Man. Woman. Human.

green beans, albany

Thank you all for the most wonderful birthday.

xoxox

leahwindow1_02jun09

PS – I’m a big dork. But it’s part of my charm.

say cheese

This past weekend, I had a series of wholly unexpected adventures. I can’t remember the last time I felt so inspired, or wanted so much for a weekend never to end.

and today//365 : nebula

Here is a secret: You can find magic where you least expect it. You don’t have to go very far, to an exotic land and see people who speak another language. You can go to a town you thought was boring or pointless, a way-station to a bigger city. A regular burgh full of people who are living day by day, and their stores and their lives and their stories.

then//365 : sure-fit

Really, you can find magic anywhere. Sometimes you can find so much, in fact, that it makes your heart explode a little.

slip away

xoxox

max's liquors and a green light on a rainy evening

Last year, I fell in love. He wasn’t someone I’d ever imagined liking, certainly not the Prince Charming of my dreams. But there he was: unassuming in the looks department, kind of square around the edges and chunky, a little temperamental at times. But the second we locked eyes, we clicked. And we both knew, that little Polaroid Spectra System SE and I, we just knew it: It was meant to be.

growing roots

If you know me at all, you know a few things about me.

One: photography is a fairly new pursuit. I’m still learning the ins and outs of this, Polaroid included. Most of the world fills me with wonder on a daily basis, but photography does in particular, and Polaroid most of all. It’s a mixture of science and art, with a dash of magic thrown in right at the end, the way those chemicals mix to create your image. And of course the magic is the best part. Not just the way it develops before your eyes, which we all love. But the way it develops and creates colors and landscapes and seascapes and dreamscapes – some of which we’ve lived through in decades past, some of which we’ve never visited, even in our wildest dreams.

yesterday//365 : it was beautiful

Two: I kind of like to be in control. Just a little bit. Polaroid takes the control away from you. It’s the ultimate in WYSIWYG. Yeah, I can scan the image and fuss with it in Photoshop but why do that? Why not just shoot with film or digital? Polaroid just is. Sometimes if I don’t like a shot, I’ll have to re-take it until I like it. And sometimes that will teach me – over and over – that the first shot was the best. It almost always is.

???//365 : zebra

Three: I have a very short attention span. Three minutes! Polaroid is the Motown of photography. It’s the punk rock. It’s the early Beatles. It’s the Sesame Street and the Electric Company and the Monty Python’s Flying Circus. It’s everything I grew up listening to and watching and loving. Three minutes or less, and you’ve got something! Maybe even something you love! Maybe not! Who cares! Onto the next one! ONE-TWO-THREE-FOUR! LET’S GO!

escalator

Today is the last day of Polaroid Week on Flickr. The images I’ve shown you here are the some of the shots I’ve posted there. There are so, so many more in the group – incredible shots from enormously talented photographers. Go check them out. You won’t be sorry you did. And we’ll see soon, Polaroid Week. Thanks for giving us a home.

xoxox

leah

return again

When I was in elementary school, I had a sticker collection that rivaled those of most of my classmates. We all vied for first place sticker collector, seeing who could out-do the others in terms of unicorns and glitter and puffiness and, occasionally, scratch-n-sniff.

And then, one day, my mom came home with the sticker that would trump them all. The sticker that became the centerpiece of my collection, the ultimate, the most desirable, the one that catapulted me to Numero Uno Sticker Star.

It had neither glitter nor unicorns, puffiness nor scent. It was simple, large, round, white, with text, and it read, very clearly:

I ♥ BOYS

Well. Every girl in my fifth grade class wanted it, you can bet on that. And I wouldn’t trade, not even for entire collections. Because when it’s right, it’s right. You don’t need bells and whistles and sparkles when you’re that totally awesome.

???//365 : fairlane 500

(Taken with a Nikon FM2)

Years passed, and the sticker collection disappeared, and with it went the beloved sticker. Of course, the sentiment stayed – I do heart boys. But along with hearting boys, I’ve grown to love something else: boys’ toys. Yes, I know, the world has changed, and women can do anything, and just ask Barbie who has had 50-some odd careers now that she is 50 and featuring some hot Botox injections in her brows.

But be honest. There may be way more women doing photography than ever before – and there may be more women into stuff like cars, too – but being a gearhead is still a kind of a sausage-fest. Yes, the ladies are getting more and more involved, but it’s the gents who are more likely to be found geeking out over some form of equipment or other at a gathering near you.

Whenever this happens – this geeking out business – I find myself wishing I could participate, and eyeing the equipment (ahem) enviously from outside the inner sanctum. Before now I haven’t felt comfortable injecting myself into any major discussions; not having much (or any) knowledge makes me feel like a Big Dumb Girl standing there Looking Pretty while the boys all talk about their toys. And y’all know that’s not how I roll.

???//365 : flower stand

(taken with a Hasselblad 500 C/M)

I’m both a researcher and a bit of a geek at heart, so I’ve been trying to learn more about all this incredibly cool equipment we see around us all the time. I’ve learned more, sure, but it’s also done something terrible: Now I’m the girl who wants the sticker I don’t have.

That’s the thing about equipment and toys, isn’t it? There’s just never an end to what you can get. I’m beside myself here, falling in absolute panting lust with the Hasselblad SWC (oh dear lord, the red one?) and the Leica M6 and the Rolleiflex 2.8f and the Nikon FE and the Nikon 700. And lenses? Forget it, I definitely want more lenses. Yep, you all predicted it: further down the spiral.

But shut up a second, Leah.

I know very well that it’s not the camera that makes the shot great, it’s the photographer – the equipment just enables you to do different things (if you know how to use it). Who needs all this stuff? You can do a lot with what you have, and with what you ‘re offered.

So in an effort to reel myself in – and to get real – a little while ago I decided it was time to choose a camera and work with it as much as possible. Get to know it intimately, become best friends, know exactly what it could produce when, where, why, and with what film (if I stayed with film).

???//365 : brunch with ben

(Taken with a Yashica Lynx-1000)

Luckily for me, I have a few cameras I already love. And even luckier, I have wonderful parents who have decided for this birthday to get me a camera. The budget is generous (although not so generous as to allow for a full-frame digital or a Hasselblad SWC, so unless you’re prepared to help pitch in, just forget it). So the question is: which to choose?

I mean, we all know about my love of Polaroid, and I do use a Polaroid 195 which has a decent variety of film options.  I do love 35mm, and with the Pentax K1000 and the Nikon FM2, I feel comfortable. Recently too I got a little steamy with a rangefinder for the first time, a Yashica Lynx-1000, and ooh.

And medium format – it calls me like nothing else. Borrowing that Yashica Mat 124 was just the beginning. Then came the trial on the Hasselblad 500 C/M.

But of course, there’s always the possibility I could switch it up altogether and turn to digital.

Oh, decisions! I’ll figure it out eventually.

What’s your favorite camera, and why?

Somewhere, between the words and the images, it struck me. I am wandering, traveling, and looking.

But for what?

For home. Wherever my home is. I will know when I see it. I want to have the words for it and the ability to capture it in image. Until then, I will keep practicing.

???//365 : looking homeward

Where is your home? What makes it home to you?

film 158

I don’t know why it surprised me. It shouldn’t have. But when shots of cars started appearing on roll after roll, and when Polaroid photos of cars first started dotting my desk, I found it curious. I’d always liked cars well enough, sure, but not enough to be a gearhead or (I’m ashamed to admit) to really even know the first thing about maintenance. I even had a list of favorites that had remained the same for years, including a dark green 1951 Hudson Hornet coupe. Long before the Franklin Mint magically came out with a miniature version. Long before the Hudson made its appearance in the animated movie Cars. A movie I’ve even never seen, by the way.
142//365 : tiny dream

But why shouldn’t I love cars? What a shocker, I must have more than one side. Me! Gentle flowers, yes, but powerful big muscle cars too. And really, it makes perfect sense. I’m already in love with windows, as you know if you’ve spent any time looking at my photos. Cars have their share of them. I love light too, and the way cars capture light – don’t you love it? Especially old cars, sculptured and scooped, like sleek and sexy bodies, waiting to have you run your hands down their proud flanks and find where the light pools, so you can dip your hands in it.

film 157

Then of course, there are road trips. Perhaps my favorite way to travel – and surprisingly, I prefer to go as a passenger. Hours spent staring out the window, the ability to stop whenever, wherever. The food you eat along the way, the people you see, the miles you spend in comfortable (and sometimes uncomfortable) silence.

Most of all, though, it finally occured to me that at the end of that trip, a car has to have a final destination. A car has to come home, wherever it is. Don’t we all?

yellow truck

film 135

film 146

film 136

Here is something you may not know about me: I’m not very bright.

I know what you’re going to say (and not because I’m full of myself, believe me). “Leah,” you’re going to say. “What do you mean you’re not very bright? You’re getting your PhD! You’re a smart lady!”

So look. I’m intelligent. I can’t argue with that because I’ll look like a jerk who’s fishing for compliments – hey! look at me and my false modesty! I can do things like research, and I can write and teach and work hard, and I can read big books and use fancy words and have super great discussions on health care and organizations and 1960s soul and the importance of grammar and manners in a civilized society. I can sell pointy hats to the Pope. And I can win debates. Oh boy, can I.

(Potential employers? Hi!)

But y’see, intelligent and smart are two different things. And sometimes I am dumb as a box of rocks with the clever ones on lunch break.

If you want to be in my life, you should probably be someone with a sense of humor and a healthy dose of patience. Because when I’m not hyper focused on whatever task is at hand, there’s a small chance I will have jet-packed off to Clouds 9, 10, and 11. For instance:

It was a sunny, albeit slightly blustery day in February. The very last day of February, to be exact. I had been invited on a great adventure by someone I was excited to meet – the fabulous Chinako, who many of you will know from her incredible photos on flickr. It wasn’t just any adventure either. Oh no.

polaroid house, again

We were going to the Polaroid House.

Chinako had been before, but it was my maiden voyage. She was bringing two other first timers with her as well, Amanda and Andre. Because I was coming up from Orange County, and they were driving from Los Angeles, I decided it would be better for me to meet them there. This is where the stupid begins.

Have you ever looked at a place on a road you drive with some frequency, but because it’s a new destination, your brain doesn’t comprehend what’s going on and decides: THIS IS A TOTALLY NEW WORLD!! And you have to drive there as if you’ve never driven to such a location before?

No? Then you are smart.

Even though I very clearly knew where this location was, based on the map, and had basically driven by it many times, my brain didn’t get it. My brain said: This is somewhere far, far inland! A place you’ve never been! You must be cautious and careful. You must take the freeway you loathe.

You must drive… the 5.

Oh, it started out well. There were balloons on both sides of the freeway, and I was singing along to Brendan Benson and AC/DC and Jean Wells. But then it happened, like it always does. Traffic. And traffic. And traffic.

Over two hours of traffic later, I was finally on the other side of Los Angeles, and realized my mistake. My first mistake, I mean, which was taking the 5 in the first place. Because just up ahead the freeway split. The 5 continued to the left, and to the right, the 14.

Now, my directions were very clear. They were about four lines long, direct from the internet. Stay. On. The. 5. Nowhere had I written down “take the 14.” But somewhere, in the recesses of my brain, there was this panicky voice:

WHAT IF YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO TAKE THE 14 LOOK!! IT HAS THE SAME NAME AS THE PLACE YOU’RE GOING

Five minutes later, I’m on the phone with Chinako. “Am I supposed to take the 14? I’m not, am I.”

“No! Don’t take the 14″ I could hear her say through the phone.

“Um. Okay. I won’t. I mean, I’ll turn around. If I can.” Three miles later, I did just that. And zoomed back down to the 5, up over the hills and down to the unassuming exit I’d passed without a second thought so many times before.

While driving between Orange County and the Bay Area. Same freeway, same area, same everything. Just a different exit a few hundred miles south of my usual. My brain is so easily confused.

out back

But I forgive it, because it does eventually get me to my destination, and it allows me to meet wonderful people. And it allows me to do more stupid things, like almost put my eyeball out while trying to help a friend get fabulous shots.

the blue room

And it helps me think about the strangeness of sitting in a ramshackle abandoned house – almost no longer a house, the structural elements crumbling down around you as you gingerly walk through doorways and almost fall through porch floorboards – and feeling a sense of being “at home.” At home because you feel right being in the middle of nowhere. Being in an abandoned place. Being with people who are eager to explore and drift off into their own “hold on… I have to take a shot” reverie. Being inside something that was cast off – perhaps unwillingly – and has been resurrected. Being a part of something that feels like creation. Or creativity. Or maybe even art, if that’s how you’d like to see it.

Oh, and in case you’re wondering, the drive home took about half as long as the drive there. Including traffic. I may be dumb, but I learn right quick.

I'll be waiting at home

xoxo

PS – there are more of my shots of the Polaroid House on my flickr stream. I also have a few more I have yet to upload, so if you’d like to see them, please let me know. Or heck, I can go back (you know I will), take more, and put them all together in a Blurb book.

Many years ago – okay, only eight but it feels like a decade – I lived in New York for a spell. It was a brief stop between a long sojourn in the Bay Area and “am I going to get into graduate school anywhere?” Which I did, as you may or may not know, and went off for a few years to one of my favorite cities: Washington, DC.

I had long wanted to live in Manhattan. New York! Center of the universe! Like half the planet, I’d become convinced that I absolutely had to move to New York in order to be happy and to find myself and to do all the important things one needs to do in life and so forth. While this may be true for some people – and really, I want to meet those people and stare at them in wonder and then dissect their brains when they are dead – for Leah in her mid-20s it was not at all the case. And anyway, as we all know, you can’t move somewhere in order to be happy. Being happy is a little more complicated than that.

But let me tell you one of the things I was most excited about when I moved to New York – one of the things I never stopped being excited about. In fact, you could go as far to say it’s something I’ve been excited about in every place I’ve ever lived or visited, city or otherwise: The little things.

138//365 : we are happy

I’m not a very good tourist. I don’t go to the right places, see all the important sights or sites, and do not ever make me take a guided tour. Please, for the love of all that is holy. No guided tours. I feel itchy and agitated just thinking about it.

When I go somewhere or move to a new place, the best thing to do in my estimation is go get coffee. Wherever the people who live there get coffee. And see how the people who live there do it. Last year I went to Seattle to visit friends and I’m quite certain that was one of the first things we did – and not because Seattle is known for coffee or because I hadn’t had any yet that day, although those things played a role.

So when I moved to New York, I was terrifically excited about this one little thing in particular: Getting a real New York cup of coffee. It wasn’t quite as prevalent as it once had been, given the rise of boutique coffee shops and espressos and lattes and all that. But you know what cup I’m talking about – the small cup, flat lid, usually carried by someone rushing off to catch the subway and who also has the newspaper folded just so under the other arm. Having that cup of coffee meant that person lived in a neighborhood, had a neighborhood coffee spot, knew exactly what to order and how to order it, and did it all without a hitch. Everything had a rhythm for them, was a part of their fabric of life, which is what created the real city, the city I wanted. If you marched into the joint and ordered the coffee wrong, not only would you disrupt the rapid flow of service and make people late, you’d clearly be marked as an outsider, a non-local, someone other than. A loose thread to be yanked. Who wants that.

Eventually I mastered the coffee – the ordering, the carrying, the rushing. I still can’t fold newspapers for the life of me.

It’s been a long time coming, but I finally bought this cup. It sits right next to me on my desk, way here over here on the west coast. And funny, I got it from an amazing store in Seattle, not New York. You should get one too. And if you do, call up and get some personal service from Emily. She’s about as sweet and friendly as they come. Unlike some of the people in line waiting for coffee in New York.

137//365 : where the magic happens

Go check out: Velocity

Need help deciding what to get? I can show you my wish list.

Wait, did I say wish list? I meant… oh hell, you know what I meant.

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